The World According to Me

Amateurish 3D Photos

2005-04-26T14:41:00.000-07:00

Below you will find some 3D pictures I have taken with a Stereo Realist from 1950. They have a very amateur, homegrown feeling to them as if I had just received the camera and was still trying to get the hang of using it. In fact, this is because I just received the camera and I am still trying to get the hang of it. In fact, this is a lie since I have had the camera for a while now, but I have been quite busy and thus am still trying to get the hang of it. I promise that future photos will be better. You may view these with red/cyan 3D anaglyph glasses. Failing this, you may dye one of your eyes red and the other a light blue and that should do the trick. I recommend consulting with an ophthalmologist before undergoing this major step, however, as the procedure can be more dangerous than it initially appears.

152 Best Films: Part 2

2005-04-20T20:01:00.000-07:00

145. House of Games

Director (David Mamet), Screenwriter (David Mamet), Cinematographer (Juan Ruiz Anchia), Stars (Lindsay Crouse, Joe Mantegna, Mike Nussbaum, J.T. Walsh, Ricky Jay)

IMDB Link: IMDB Link: Click Here

Review: I would be a con man if I had the skill, time, and talent to invest and there wasn't such a high risk of getting caught. David Mamet just makes it look like so much fun, although I imagine the reality is something a little less glamorous and a little more scummy. How mean do you have to be to take away money from people who work very hard to earn what they make and whose lives would be really messed up if you took all of their money away from them? But, damn it, it looks like so much fun! At any rate, surely there is nothing morally reprehensible about watching movies about con men, and this is one of the best. Joe Mantegna is always a pleasure to watch, and he Mamet's dialogue is spot-on like always. Of course, what more reason do you need to watch this movie than that Ricky Jay, a prominent member of my Pantheon of Geniuses, appears in this film as a clever con man scamming some poor guy out of his savings? The twists in this plot are great, as always in Mamet's con films, yet the beginning is a bit slow and the ending leaves a little to be desired. The film is well worth watching, however, and, damn it, the life of a con man is too appealing to not fantasize about.

144. The Triplets of Belleville

Director (Sylvain Chomet), Screenwriter (Sylvain Chomet), Cinematographer (Sylvain Chomet), Stars (Misc. French People)

IMDB Link: IMDB Link: Click Here

Review: Americans are fat and stupid and French people are clever and smart. There is more truth in this statement than most people would like to admit, and this film makes that plainly clear. A dazzling spectacle, this is one of the best animated films I have seen in a long time, and, with almost no dialogue, a pure visual treat. I have always had great respect for movies that could clearly tell a good story without words, for this is something that is much harder to do than it might first appear. This film contains so many inventive and outrageous scenarios that it is almost a bit overwhelming, including everything from mafia who look like giant, flat rectangle to frog licking triplets. This film is weird, but in a romantic, creative sort of way that seems entirely appropriate. Not to mention that it contains some of the coolest looking drawings I have ever seen.

143. Life is Beautiful

Director (Roberto Benigni), Screenwriters (Roberto Begnini and Vincenzo Cerami), Cinematographer (Tonino Delli Colli), Stars (Roberto Begnini, Nicoletta Braschi)

IMDB Link: IMDB Link: Click Here

Review: This is the funniest comedy ever made about the Holocaust since, um, now that I think about it I guess it's really the only one, unless you count Chaplin's The Great Dictator, but that was really more about poking fun at Hitler than showing the atrocious conditions inside a Nazi death camp. Benigni has made a film that should have offended people, and amazingly it didn't, which makes me mad because I like defending things that everyone else finds despicable. I suppose its good that everyone kept their sanity over this one, however, because it is a really good film. It is distinctly Italian and at the same time incredibly universal, for Benigni's sense of humor is one that anyone can appreciate. It is a fable, a simple fantasy that happened to be set in the middle of one of humanity's most terrible moments. Benigni is just so innocent and naive that we are automatically drawn into his world, one where everything that occurs in the film tends to have a way of showing up later in some kind of joke. Benigni is a clown sent to a concentration camp, and the film has some important messages about humor in the face of dark times. In this way, the film is uplifting, and that helps explain its popularity. Of course, it is also unrealistic, and for an interesting double feature try viewing this and then Tim Blake Nelson's The Grey Zone.

142. The Rules of Attraction

Director (Roger Avary), Screenwriter (Roger Avary), Cinematographer (Robert Brinkmann), Stars (James Van Der Beek, Shannyn Sossamon, Kip Pardue, Jessica Biel, Eric Stolz, Fred Savage, Faye Dunaway)

IMDB Link: IMDB Link: Click Here

Review: Many people reading this list will think that I'm crazy when they find out that this movie made it and Avary and Tarantino's Pulp Fiction did not. I feel that I owe some sort of explanation for that, but I don't really have one except that Pulp Fiction is hailed by many as the "greatest film ever" (typically overweight kung-fu fans working in the computer industry) while nobody ever talks about this one. Sure, maybe the acting is not up to Tarantino's film and maybe the story is a little less inventive, but this film has got style in truckloads. It features so many camera tricks and special effects that you can't blink, and who really cares that the acting is over-the-top because the whole film is over the top. Avary has made a satire, for crying out load, and a fast-paced, damn funny one at that, so if it lacks Samuel L. Jackson and John Travolta's acting chops, forgive me. I'm a sucker for cool, stylized movies, and this fits the bill exactly. From snow flakes turning to tears, split screens that combine into one, and people moving backwards, the film succeeds in making itself a stylized mess. There is something savage, upsetting, and just plain sick about the movie, not a shock since it comes from a novel by Brett Easton Ellis, American Psycho writer. Avary can kick Tarantino's ass any day.

141. Bowling for Columbine

Director (Michael Moore), Screenwriter (Michael Moore), Stars (Michael Moore, Charlton Heston, Marilyn Manson, Matt Stone)

IMDB Link: IMDB Link: Click Here

Review: Moore is very good at getting attention for himself, and while he preaches to the choir he does it in such a fun and inventive way that I can't help thoroughly enjoying myself when I see his films. The way in which he mixes humor with politics is enthralling, and he seems to have a real knack for finding hilarious footage and real whackos to interview. For some reason, as depressing as this movie is, I find it incredibly entertaining and enthralling. I see myself rooting for Michael against the large gun corporations, and I thank Moore for showing that asshole Charlton Heston for what he really is! I'm going to refrain from writing much more about this movie because its been covered elsewhere much better and, after all, everyone has seen it already. If you haven't, however, there is no excuse to wait, even if youre a Republican.

Music in the Future

2005-03-02T14:00:00.000-08:00

The world of music is changing forever, and it is undeniable that these changes are going to have a large impact on everyone. After years of illegal music downloading, a shock has come about to the system that has the world reeling. Apparently, a growing segment of the audience is actually buying their music at dealers such as “Tower Records” or “Amazon.” Clearly a large change is coming, and it is one that we will have to deal with for many years to come. When asked about this bold move, people claim that they simply enjoy the convenience of purchasing music through what is called a “retailer.” These “retailers” have sprung up all over the place, and attempts to shut them down have been continually thwarted. Despite the fact that what they are doing is morally reprehensible, these young kids seem to have no respect for the file sharing community, instead finding solace in giving their money to big companies and multi-millionaires.
Todd Plander, speaking for the file-sharing community, had this to say: “These people just don’t seem to understand the concept of sharing things. They’re greedy capitalist whores who just hoard these “CD’s” on their shelves and on CD racks, propping up the major record companies. Those fascists have enough money already, they don’t need some punks going out and giving them more!” Jeremy Ralfton, 23, saw no problems with his CD buying. He properly owns at least twenty CD’s and says that he derives pleasure from listening to them and viewing the colorful little booklets and liner notes that accompany them. “I see nothing wrong with purchasing CD’s. It’s just, I want to hold them in my hand. Besides, why do I have to share my music, man? I paid for it, it’s mine. And who cares if I give those record companies some money, man?”
Plander does not share Ralfton’s viewpoint. “It’s these kinds of attitudes that really piss me off. These young punks just have no regard for community feeling, and it’s a sad thing that they choose not to recognize the tyranny of the record company pigs. I’m supporting the independent artist who will otherwise never get heard, and I’m sharing this great music with everyone else, the way it’s always been and always should be.”
It is clear that this is an ongoing debate that will not cease anytime soon. In the end, it remains to be seen whether things will eventually settle out or if, in he future, we might all be buying our music with hard earned money and supporting “The Man.”

The Pantheon of Geniuses: Errol Morris

2005-02-13T09:09:00.000-08:00

Documentary filmmaking is often presented as a simple, easy exercise anyone can do. Sure, to make a feature film or a narrative you need lighting, actors, technical know-how and all of that stuff, but any schlub with a digital camcorder can run out and make a documentary about their crazy next door neighbor and begin winning all sorts of prizes and acclaim for just following them around. Of course, it isn’t that simple, and while it is true that some people can do this and succeed, most documentary filmmakers work their asses off, and this is where Errol Morris comes in. Morris is, quite possibly, the most serious and dedicated documentary filmmaker around, for while others may do quick interviews, edit it together with some B-roll and call it a movie, Errol shots marathon, hours upon hours of interview footage and weeds it down to a succinct, thrilling, action packed movie. I never thought that I could be so entertained by watching long interviews, but Errol does it. His movies are dramatic, and this is something that most documentaries lack. They have a rising action, a climax, and a fulfilling end. In addition, Errol goes beyond the documentary format to experiment with new techniques. He is a documentary filmmaker, but he is also a manipulator, using staged scenes and inventive, brilliant editing to create a work that sometimes might resemble fiction more than non-fiction. His subjects are always the most fascinating people he can find. His half-hour television series, sadly lasting for only two seasons, is so chock full of interesting people that the brief, half-hour length of every episode is always disappointing. From giant squid chasers to the man with the highest IQ (a bouncer at a club) to the director of the Mutter museum, Morris knows how to find them. On top of this, he uses an innovative, multi-camera system that captures his subject from multiple angles, allowing him to intercut to show every nuance and movement in his subjects’ faces. This system, which Morris created himself, also allows both him and his subject to view each other only from specially placed television screens. For whatever reasons, this works, and Morris is able to talk to people and get them to say things that no one else can. Most likely stemming from his earlier career as a private investigator, Morris is born to talk to people, and you’ll want to listen to what they have to say.

Recommended Viewing:
A Brief History of Time
Fast, Cheap, and Out of Control
Mr. Death: The Rise and Fall of Fred A. Leuchter, Jr.
The Fog of War
First Person (Television Series)
A Brief History of Errol Morris

152 Best Films: Part 1

2005-01-25T19:21:00.000-08:00

As the weeks go by, I am going to start adding short film reviews to this blog. My reasons for doing so are numerous. For one, I want to introduce to anyone reading this some good movies that perhaps they haven't heard off. In addition, I hope that these brief film reviews serve to give some insight into my particular tastes. Counting down from 152, I will work all the way up to my favorite film. Making a list in order of your favorite films is something that is more difficult to do than it initially appears. For one, you must begin by listing and reviewing every film you have seen, and while I attempted this to the best of my ability I am sure that there are films that I missed. At this point, it is then essential to read through that list and make a ranking. At some point, it becomes rather arbitrary which films are placed where, and as a result there are films that are probably higher than they should be, films that are probably lower than they ought to be, and films that were completely missed entirely. My biases can be seen right away. I like comedies a lot, usually dark comedies or ones with a slightly more serious bent, but not always. I have a vast appreciation for the horror and exploitation genres, and as a result a few films on here may surprise you. Most of the films are fairly recent and in the English language. This is a clear bias of mine, made clear by the simple fact that these are the films most accessible to a modern audience, not just in terms of finding the videos at your library but of content and ease of understanding. Several supposed classics are left out. There is no Godfather, no Citizen Kane, no Seven Samurai. In fact, Coppola (Francis Ford, that is), Welles, and Kurosawa have been left off entirely. This is not to say that their films are not brilliant and that they are not brilliant, but, after all, this is a personal list and I am placing films on it which had a profound impact on me. Perhaps when I viewed The Godfather and Citizen Kane, after reading about what works of genius they were, I was simply set up too much to appreciate them. You can't say to someone "this is the best movie ever made and you better love it or there's something wrong with you". It doesn't work and it turns people off. Films are something that have to be discovered by themselves. Many of these films are movies that I watched and loved repeatedly during my younger years. As a result, many adults may view them and scoff, but I will defend to the death the right any film on this list has to its place. I am doing these short reviews in groups of five, but you have a bonus in this first post as I will do 7 films. There were 2 more than the nice round 250 that I thought essential to require, so just consider them bonuses. From 152 and eventually down to 1, here are my 152 favorite films.

152. The Maltese Falcon (1941)

Director (John Huston), Screenwriter (John Huston), Cinematography (Arthur Edeson), Stars (Humphrey Bogart, Mary Astor, Peter Lorre, Gladys George, Lee Patrick, Sydney Greenstreet)

IMDB Link: Click Here

Review: The Maltese Falcon is quite simply one of the greatest film noirs ever made, and that alone deserves its place on a list of the 152 greatest films of all time. Bogart chews the screen up like no one else, and I defy anyone to get fifteen minutes into the film and then stop watching it. The film draws you in, just like Mary Astor's character, and by the end you may feel used but you love it. I don't even need to mention Peter Lorre, the wonderful German character actor, in all of his snide glory. The Maltese Falcon, based on the equally wonderful book by Dashiell Hammett, simply presents a great mystery and leads you, the viewer, on a wonderful journey toward uncovering the sordid secrets. As soon as Astor walks into Bogart's office, you know there's trouble, and once Sam Spade (Bogart)'s partner Miles Archer is knocked off it hits you that you're in for a long ride. Even if you solve the mystery before the end, you'll enjoy the journey. The play between Bogart and Astor is deadly, and the final end confrontation is too rich for words. Noir has never been better, and it never will be.

151. Hollywood Shuffle (1987)

Director (Robert Townsend), Screenwriters (Townsend, Keenan Ivory Waynes), Cinematography (Peter Deming), Stars (Robert Townsend, David McKnight, Keenan Ivory Wayans, Helen Martin, Anne-Marie Johnson)

IMDB Link: Click Here

Review: Hollywood Shuffle is a true independent film. Made for a minuscule budget ($100,000), Townsend's very funny satire hits the mark right on. Townsend plays a well meaning and talented young man hoping to make it big as an actor, but finding himself typecast as either a street tough or an Eddie Murphy type. This simple premise lets the film open up to all sorts of marvelous short sketches that poke fun at Hollywood's hypocrisy. Truly a labor of love for Townsend, the creator of television's brilliant In Living Color, Keenan Ivory Wayans, co-wrote the script. The film is irresistible and, at points, brilliant in its racial satire. While there are many better films (at least 150 of them), this one remains a personal favorite and I'll never tire of watching it. At a scant 78 minutes, there are millions of worse ways to spend your time.

150. Clerks (1994)

Director (Kevin Smith), Screenwriter (Kevin Smith), Cinematography (David Klein), Stars ( Brian O'Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith)

IMDB Link: Click Here

Review: Smith writes great dialogue and, in a nutshell, that's what this movie is. Great dialogue. Dante and Randall are two convenience store clerks and, despite their numerous problems and the fact that each, especially Randall, can be extremely annoying, they are so endearing that the film works. Smith is a very funny man, and with this low budget effort you'd be a fool to not see that. Jay and Silent Bob, the stoner and his silent buddy, make a few wonderful appearances, becoming the highlight of the film. Forget that Smith went on to have bigger budgets and ditched his smart wisecracks and wonderful, nothing-ever-happens dialogue for fart jokes and action sequences. Just revel in the quality that is Clerks. Jay and Silent Bob have been overused at this point and, quite frankly, the joke is getting old, but at the time they were fresh and remarkable and, in small doses, they are hilarious. Yes, Chasing Amy is good and Dogma is fun, but neither of them made it on my list. Clerks did because it was the first of its kind and, honestly, I'd rather watch two losers stand around and talk about relationships and pop culture than see Jay and Silent Bob rob an animal testing lab in a big budget action sequence that is remarkably less funny than if Jay were simply telling the story to Dante behind the bright neon glow that is the Clerks convenience store.

149. Diner (1982)

Director (Barry Levinson), Screenwriter (Barry Levinson), Cinematography (Peter Sova), Stars (Daniel Stern, Mickey Rourke, Kevin Bacon, Steve Guttenberg, Ellen Barkin, Paul Resier)

IMDB Link: Click Here

Review: Let me begin this review by saying that this film boasts one of the nastiest and funniest scenes of all time, and for this alone it deserves recognition. I am referring to the popcorn scene, and anyone who has seen the film will know exactly what I am talking about and anyone who hasn't should not want the surprise ruined. Aside from that, this movie is just great. Better even than that other 50's teen movie, American Graffiti, this is a film that makes you want to go back in time to Baltimore and just talk to these guys. The diner scenes, which were largely improvised, just seem so real. I think Levinson really hit onto something here, and while the movie has its faults it is, in the end, very funny and even a bit poignant in its portrayal of life for the young adult. Yes, it's a coming of age film, but it's about the best of its kind.

148. The Lair of the White Worm (1988)

Director (Ken Russell), Screenwriter (Ken Russell), Cinematography (Dick Bush), Stars (Amanda Donohoe, Hugh Grant, Sammi Davis, Peter Capaldi)

IMDB Link: Click Here

Review: Sometimes I think that Ken Russell takes himself a bit seriously. On my last viewing of Tommy, I found myself wondering just what the hell it was I was watching, why I was watching it, and when the hell Roger Daltrey would shut up. I get it, you're deaf, dumb, and blind and you want someone to touch and feel you! I suppose that is why I was so pleasantly surprised upon viewing The Lair of the White Worm, because for once we get to see Russell's goofy side. This movie is camp at its finest, and you'll be able to tell that from almost the second it begins. Phallic imagery is so prevalent that it becomes almost comical and I dare anyone to not burst out laughing during the rock ballad recounting the tale of the white worm. This is not one of those "so bad its good" films, however, for I believe that Russell was fully aware of the campy humor and played it up, making some sort of tribute/parody to the great Hammer horror films of the past. But now we move to the best part of the film: Amanda Donohoe. As the virgin sacrificing, white worm resurrecting Lady Sylvia Marsh, Donohoe does not merely camp up her part, she slithers her way thorough it as all good reptilian vampires should. Never has a lady vampire been sexier and deadlier at the same time. Sure, she has many marvelous one-liners, but for me this film can be summed up easily by one small scene. Hiding in a basket, Lady Marsh rises out, like a snake being charmed, and perfects her reptilian movement. One gets the feeling she is about to pounce, and pounce this film does.

147. Killer Condom (1996)

Director (Martin Walz), Screenwriters (Martin Walz and Ralph Konig), Cinematography (Alexander Honisch), Stars (Udo Samel, Marc Richter)

IMDB Link: Click Here

Review: This is not a Troma film. Troma distributes it in the United States, but one look at its budget and production values will tell you Troma did not make this film. It is too smart, the camera work is too good, and the film has too much substance to be Troma. This German production, based on Ralph Konig's comic of the same name, is a comedy of the blackest sorts. It involves condoms with teeth that bite the genitalia off of the patrons of a sleazy New York motel. Detecive Mackeroni starts investigating, but things really begin to heat up when, after losing one of his testicles, the battle against the killer condoms becomes personal. I don't want to give too much away, but let me say that this is the most entertaining and humorous attempt I've ever seen to end homophobia and make a passionate case for homosexual rights. So take that, Angels in America! Tony Kushner wishes he could have been as creative. The movie also features impressive design and special effects work by Jorg Buttgereit (Nekromantik) and H.R. Giger. If this movie does not seem your cup of tea, I strongly suggest you give it a try anyway. It's a shame that Troma released it in the U.S. because it is and deserves to be thought of as better than The Toxic Avenger and Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. Trust me when I say this is an intelligent and thought provoking film, and aside from that its damn silly.

146. Die Mommie, Die! (2003)

Director (Mark Rucker), Screenwriter (Charles Busch), Cinematographer (Kelly Evans), Stars (Charles Busch, Jason Priestly, Natasha Lyonne, Frances Conroy, Philip Baker Hall, Stark Sands)

IMDB Link: Click Here

Review: Charles Busch has for years been a simply off-Broadway phenomenon, but thanks to this film his unique vision is finally being shared with the world. Playing the lead in drag, Busch camps it up like never before, and it's a tour-de-force performance that will leave you speechless at the end. The movie is full of sick jokes from left to right, and I was laughing almost constantly when I saw it. It's an outrageous parody of women's melodramas, playing like Sunset Boulevard on acid. The outrageous plot involves murder, deceit, and lustful affairs, and by the end you'll simply sit back and say, "Thank you, Mr. Busch, for teaching me how to kill someone with a suppository". It is destined to be a cult classic, and deservedly so. Watch it at midnight with a group of gay friends.

The Pantheon of Geniuses: Frank Zappa

2005-01-22T09:38:00.000-08:00

My first exposure to Zappa occurred after buying a $1 best-of type CD at one of the many wonderful Half Price Books stores to be found around the Cleveland area. The CD was some sort of promo item and as a result was cast aside in their cheap bins, yet it contained some 15 odd Zappa songs from over the course of his career. As soon as I heard it, I knew that I was hearing something special. Zappa defies categorization. He was not a typical rock and roll musician, nor was he a classical composer, nor was he an electronic music pioneer, nor was he a filmmaker, nor was he one of the greatest advocates of the 1st amendment that this country has ever seen. He was all of these things and more, and this is what makes him a genius. Had he faded away or ended his career after his crazy, 60's Mothers of Invention days he would be remembered as an eccentric psychedelic 60's hipster, yet, and this is what turns him into genius material, he did not stop there. He got a haircut and moved, elegantly, into the seventies, assembling a new band (highlighted by former Turtles members Mark Volman and Howard Kaylan), he made a movie (the strange beyond belief 200 Motels), and he continued touring. And he wasn't done yet. Constantly reinventing himself as the years went by, Zappa experimented in a variety of styles and genres, from jazz fusion to classical to electronic, and with an ever rotating band of the best musicians around at the time, Zappa always aimed to surprise and delight. On top of all this, he took time to speak out against the vicious anti-rock campaign, defending the right of artists to produce what they like and the right of American consumers to buy what they like without the government telling them what and what not to do. He testified before congress in a witty and brilliant way, and to me it is clear that he was a million times smarter than any of those assholes seeking to censor the words and music that Americans can hear. Zappa was a perfectionist and the vast amount of his work alone is staggering. Incredibly prolific, he has over 60 albums, and in addition a vast vault of live performances which is sill being plowed through. Even over 10 years past his death, Zappa still has a new CD out almost every year, and it seems that this could go on almost indefinitely. The most shocking thing is that these CD's often feature never before heard songs or fresh arrangements or solos. Zappa is full of surprises and each live show was unique, meaning that there is always something new to hear.

Recommended Listening:
Freak Out
We're Only in It for the Money
Hot Rats
Jazz From Hell
You Are What You Is
If you have gotten through all of these and you still want more, there is no hope for you except to get every Zappa album. Congratulations, you are a Zappaphile.

The Pantheon of Geniuses

2005-01-20T17:23:00.000-08:00

The people listed below are geniuses in every sense of the word. I am going to begin by listing them all, then adding to the list as I see fit. With time, I shall give more in depth descriptions of each genius and why they are a genius. I promise that eventually I will give more in depth descriptions as to each. Reading this list, you will see my particular biases. I like people who have challenged authority, censorship, and who have been pioneers in their fields. I also like eccentrics. Every person here has a unique worldview that makes them special. I know that most are from the 20th century. I know the majority will probably be white and male, and this is a bias of mine as well, but that's just the way it is. The list is in no particular order.

Frank Zappa
Howard Hughes
Ricky Jay
Tod Browning
Paul Verhoeven
Angela Carter
Voltaire
The Coen Brothers
Peter Sellers
Edward D. Wood, Jr.
Kroger Babb
Hieronymus Bosch
Leon Theremin
Stanley Kubrick
Edward Gorey
David J. Skal
Lenny Bruce
Hunter S. Thompson
Russ Meyer
The Marquis de Sade
Harry Nilsson
Hugh Hefner
James Whale
Jules Feiffer
Terry Southern
Errol Morris
Joe Jackson
Salman Rushdie
Sam Harris

I know that there are more, and I shall add them later.

Anaglyph

2005-01-20T17:19:00.000-08:00

Grab your Red-Cyan 3D glasses (red over left eye). View away. Have fun. Tell someone you love them.

Sky Soaring

2005-01-19T13:21:00.000-08:00

One day not too long into the future everyone will get around in flying cars. It just seems logical that people will make the transition from ground to the sky. In its simplest form, we can do this, and ability is something that has pushed humans to expand and progress numerous times in the past. In addition, the practical reasons behind flying cars can simply not be ignored. Overpopulation plagues the world and everyone knows what it feels like to be stuck in traffic for hours. With flying cars, this simple problem can be avoided by merely soaring over the world. Cars can fly at different levels, like levels for express traffic and lower ones for local traffic. In addition, landing pads can be put on the rofs of tall buildings in addition to traditional street parking, meaning that parking will be easier than ever. Of course, a simple auto-hover function could also serve to keep the car suspended while a quick trip is made to the bank or to Starbucks for a frappuccino. Also, think how fun it movie car chases would be if they consisted of cars swerving around skyscrapers and mountains, with maybe the occasional hostage holding on for dear life by a ladder hanging from the flying car. And finally, with flying cars replacing the current grounded variety, car wrecks would simply be much more spectacular and fun to watch. So I’ll see you some day in the future…soaring in the sky!

(Note - In looking around on the internet I see that the dream of millions is closer to relaity than we think! Click Here to read all about Paul Moller's skycar and even to view some flight videos! (although a suspicious looking crane does appear at the edge of the video - they claim the wire is only for "insurance purposes"...)

Medical Oddities and Victorian Era curiosities Across America

2005-01-17T08:50:00.000-08:00

As the New Year rushed in, many were up late celebrating and cheering, hoping 2005 would be a fresh, new start. The year in which their problems would fade away, or at least they would have the opportunity to redeem themselves. But at 57 Clinton Street in New York's Lower East Side, the New Year was the end to a wonderful odyssey begun several years earlier by sword-swallower Johnny Fox. The Freakatorium, presenting antique oddities from sideshows and dime museums, was closing. This small hole in the wall, jam-packed with obscure artifacts, had to go due to lack of patrons. At $5 a pop and no time limit so to speak, the Freakatorium was a well-kept secret. Sporting small tags in English and Spanish (for the local population), the real fun was in talking to the Freakatorium's extremely knowledgeable host, for behind every item there was a fantastic tale. And now the Frekatorium is gone, but do not despair quite yet. Johnny does not wish to part with the collection or split it up (an opening Ebay bid on the entire collection was suggested at 3 million). With good luck, Johnny may yet find a new, more traffic heavy venue for his strange experiment in bizarre museum going, or, failing that, perhaps a cross-country tour of his fantastic items is not inconceivable. For those who simply cannot wait and wish to view strange items NOW, here is a list of museums around the United States that cater to this type of thing. Click on the following links to visit each respective website. And by the way, if there are any millionaires out there who wish to help provide funding for Mr. Johnny Fox's new Freakatorium location, do not hesitate to e-mail him.
The Freakatorium (El Museo Loco)
The Mutter Museum
The American Dime Museum
The Barnum Museum
Ripley's Believe It or Not Museums
Coney Island U.S.A.

When Punks Clean Up

2005-01-14T13:15:00.000-08:00

Johnny Rotten is dead and he has been for quite some time. Johnny Rotten is deader than Sid Vicious. In the popular imagination, Vicious is alive and well. He never faded away, reformed, or conformed. He died the way he lived: violent and unapologetic. But Rotten, he insisted on sticking around for a bit. He insisted on forming a new band, cleaning up, and hosting a dull VH1 television show which lasted a total of 3 episodes. And come on folks, walking out of a celebrity reality show that you shoudln't have been on in the first place does not make you a young rebel. Punks have to die young, it simply goes with the territory. If punks don't die young, than they just go away, outside of the public consciousness and away from view. When they don't, they simply become parodies of their former selves. Does Rotten think blowing up music memorabilia on VH1 is going to bring his fan base back to him? His fan base is long gone, they've moved on and grown up. So am I saying that it is impossible to retain dignity, to continue being wild and crazy into old age? Essentially, this is indeed what it boils down to. So is there no hope for young, wild and crazy punks who wish to avoid early death or permanent brain damage and retain their lives after reforming? Of course there is hope. There is always hope, but only those with special talent have managed to age with dignity and maturity. I think that Mark Motherbaugh, former DEVO frontman, did it best with a slow transition into movie soundtracks and out of the public image. If DEVO were still around today, they'd be a joke, yet Mothersbaugh's eloquent and amusing tunes behind the action of Pee Wee's Playhouse, The Rugrats, or Wes Anderson's films remind us that it is possible to age without becoming a parody. Of course, there is one major component to this, and that is that you've got to be smart and have talent. Maybe this is something which Mr. Lydon simply lacks. As Neil Young said, it's better to burn out than fade away. Otherwise you might just find yourself selling Luxury Watches.

Decadence. A Sermon.

2004-12-27T15:41:00.000-08:00

The aged movie star rose late on that particular day. The interviewer was not to arrive until noon, and in the meantime the star was reflecting on the grooves between her toes and the curious sound her icebox made when it needed fixing. There used to be someone around to fix it, at all times. They took care of her icebox, and set her table, and cleaned up her crumbs. There never used to be any crumbs afterwards.
On Saturday she would go for a ride in the country with her friends and lovers. They cavorted until lunch, then had a picnic and tried not to pester the ants. Sometimes, they’d get lost and have to fight their way back. It was on occasions like this that the aged movie star would remove her skirt, stare at the stars, and prepare for the onslaught. After a brief initiation, she would parlay all day. Saturdays now are dull. Rarely anyone comes around, and when they do, the aged movie star is usually too tired to parlay.
Between meals, she used to lie on a huge velvet couch, wearing eyeliner and mascara and other things that went “shine.” All the boys would flock to her, and she would flock back in droves. The girls would flock too, and to them she’d coyly flirt. The secret meetings were a blast, and she delighted in subverting the neophytes.
When she was in the torture chamber, she’d erupt into a fury of pure energy and excitement. The aged movie star was pale on screen, but nebulous in the torture chamber. She would take it and give it, and relished both. She owned her own rack, but had to borrow the thumbscrews.
The moonlight would accompany her post-film studio excursions. Seclusion was their law, and revealing one’s identity was forbidden. The gate was underground, and the key was ecstasy for all involved, except a select few picked for their less ecstatic eccentricities. The aged movie star misses these types most. The way they agonized and extended themselves really made the post-film studio excursions exciting.
The morning has gone, and the icebox has stopped growling. The interviewer rests his case as the aged movie star relaxes. She has not been listening, and when questioned concerning her attention, rolls her eyes and apologizes. The fun she could have had with this man in the old days, she ponders, but dares not to say aloud. Instead, she offers an anecdote concerning the fate of one of her late co-stars and proclaims sadness for the family. If only they knew how many times she’d encountered him in full body suit, coated in apple cider and wearing a blindfold. But, the movie star thinks to herself, the old days have passed, and the ecstasy has been replaced with brittle bones and orange bottles.
Some nights, though, in the twilight hour, she sees an apparition of some former transgressor, and together they dance through the night. Someday, the decadence may return. Someday, she dreams, while the interviewer, strapped to an ironing board, screams in agony.

Dracula and Louisville Sluggers: Making Connections in a Chaotic World (By way of James Burke's K-Web)

2004-12-25T11:57:00.000-08:00

The theme of this post is connections, the way in which things interact and make up our universe. The universe is, after all, a huge and massive topic to tackle. And what is intelligence if not the ability to make connections? Random trivia, the type of stuff that Ken Jennings is so adept at, can get you only so far. Facts, by themselves, mean nothing: the trick is to be able to take these facts and form a complete and coherent picture of something bigger. The way in which the facts combine can show how everything in the world is connected, and it is at times when this becomes apparent that you can truly appreciate the depth and brevity of the world we live in. This is something which British historian James Burke has been keenly aware of for many years now, and, through his televison shows Connections and The Day the Universe Changed, has tried to make clear to the rest of the world. Two things, seemingly nonrelated, can each be essential to the other. A development in one area hundreds of years before can cause events to happen hundreds of years down the line. In one way, this is the study of history at its most basic. Things may not always progress or get more advanced, but things always build on what came before, even if the buildings sometimes tumble. Dracula, immortalized by Bela Lugosi in Universal's 1931 classic on the one hand, and the louisville slugger, that sturdy baseball bat that made major league history, on the other. A connection between the mythos of modern vampires and the popular American sport of baseball can't surely exist, and yet between these two things, which on the surface seem to be at complete opposite ends of the spectrum, a vital connection exists. The louisville slugger was, in fact, made in 1884 for professional baseball player Pete "The Old Gladiator" Browning, uncle of Tod Browning, director of the 1931 horror film classic Dracula. Just imagine, in one corner, pale faced goth punks listening to obscure heavy metal rock bands singing about vampire lust and, across the room, beer bellied middle aged men with baseball caps taking bets on the night's baseball defeats and losses. Between these two groups, a connection exists, and neither is aware of it. It is a small world after all, but is it one that can be analyzed and graphed, with the connections filled it? This is what Mr. Burke is attempting to do with his new internet project, the K-Web or Knowledge Web. The projected plan calls for a large, global like map, filled with encyclopedias full of information and browsable not alphabetically or by subject but by...connections. Starting with baseball, you can find yourself staring next at a biography of Tod Browning. As xenophobic and as much as we would all like to stick within out tightly defined groups and clics, the world is large, and we've all got undiscovered connections to make. Click on the link to go to James Burke's K-Web . I highly recommend you read the section "The Vision" and watch the introductory film under the section entitled "The Project".

A Vision for this Blog

2004-12-22T14:32:00.000-08:00

Before I begin my intentions for this blog, I'd like to make a few apologies. To begin, I'm lazy and, despite good intentions, will probably never update this thing as much as I should. I can say that I intend to add something new each day, but I'm sure I'll never do it. In fact, don't be surprised if this blog just gets abandoned at some point. It is bound to happen eventually. It will be a miracle if it can last a week.
Apologies out of the way, we can finally move on to the content of this blog. This will not be a political ramble. This will not be a simple list of movies and bands I like. This will not be a logical and coherent journal of my life. I do not really have interest in sharing every detail of my life with an internet audience, so when I choose to do so I will almost always lie. Now that you know what this blog is not, I shall tell you what it is. It is simply a place for me to share my thoughts and feelings on a variety of subjects. Occasionally, I will discuss political issues. I will also sometimes share movies or music that have had a profound impact on me. And you may learn a bit about me in the process. But don't expect a consistent format, a new post every evening at 6:00, and please don't check this blog regularly. You will be dissapointed.
If this is all beginning to sound somewhat pretentious, please don't let it. I'm really just talking out of my ass. I have no idea what this thing is going to be. I guess we'll just wait and see. I've included a picture of Donald Sutherland for your general amusement.

donald_sutherland
Originally uploaded by ebyitems.

Test Post

2004-12-21T17:14:00.001-08:00

Please disregard this post. It is merely a test. Pay no attention to it. The time taken to read this post can instead be put to productive use in a number of other areas. I might recommend a long bubble bath or a quiet day at the park. Perhaps you'd prefere to share some milk and cookies with a loved one. All fine uses of time, more so than reading people's random thoughts on the internet. Seriously, I'm no more special than you. My own thoughts aren't really that interesting and I'm sure you can come up with euqally good thoughts if you try hard enough. I find that long showers really help immensely in stimulating brain activity. Something about the water beating slowly on your back. So go, read this no longer. A world awaits you, and I'm sure if you've taken the time to stumble onto this thing then you've been on the internet too damn long. Computers can cause brain damage (especially if you smash yourself over the head with them). I shall return later with a more proper first post and explain my vision for this blog. (I am an incredibly good visionary).